Some understanding

In a recent post on a social media site, I severely upset my spouse.  The quote reads: “A true suicide is a paced, disciplined certainty. People pontificate, "Suicide is selfishness." Career churchmen like Pater go a step further and call in a cowardly assault on the living. Oafs argue this specious line for varying reason: to evade fingers of blame, to impress one's audience with one's mental fiber, to vent anger, or just because one lacks the necessary suffering to sympathize. Cowardice is nothing to do with it - suicide takes considerable courage. Japanese have the right idea. No, what's selfish is to demand another to endure an intolerable existence, just to spare families, friends, and enemies a bit of soul-searching. The only selfishness lies in ruining strangers' days by forcing 'em to witness a grotesqueness.” ― David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas

His argument was along the lines of, what if this inspired someone’s mother or father to commit suicide, because I made it sound cool and posted it on a site for everyone to read?  Then the child growing up without a mother or father would be on my head.  Even though I understood his point, I didn’t respond to this, as anyone who suffers from this illness doesn't think it’s cool or does it on purpose to "get attention". 

I found this quote incredibly accurate.  To each person his own and how can society see suicide as selfish?  The very statement is a complete selfish concept in itself.  You expect a suicidal person to keep living in constant, gut-wrenching pain so that you can be without it?  In other words, it’s either you or them?  Do people think that the pain and anguish dissipates when you stop verbalising or “threatening” your need for escape from it?  A line from a Jimi Hendrix song reads: “I’m the one that’s got to die when it’s time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.”  One of his songs, notably entitled Manic Depression, also describes the feelings one feels when dealing with this state.  Kurt Cobain, a co-member of Hendrix’s in the 27 club, also suffered from manic depression.   

My brother also told me about a quote read at the funeral of Layne Staley (Alice in Chains’ fallen vocalist) by Mark Twain’s Letters From The Earth: “life was not a valuable gift, but death was. Life was a fever dream made up of joys embittered by sorrows, pleasure, poisoned by pain… but death was sweet, death was gentle, death was kind; death healed the bruised spirit and the broken heart and gave them rest and forgetfulness; death was man’s best friend.  When man could endure life no longer, death came and set him free.”  And no, we (or I personally) don’t constantly think of ways to commit the act of suicide.  But in general, you just want to constantly escape the pain, silence your mind, find some peace, if only for a few seconds.  Is that so horrible, considering the many violent and horrible things humans do to each other?  Is it too much for loved ones to understand.  We understand your argument, day in and day out and no, we will not consider it permission if you listen and try to understand without judgement.  It will not be your fault or on your head and you do not have to try to talk us out of it or make us feel better.  We just don’t want you to attack us or make us feel guilty for having the feelings which comes as naturally to us as love, hate or fear comes to you.  We do not love you any less, but understanding would make us love you even more.